Learning to Listen

LEARNING TO LISTEN.  LISTENING TO LEARN

Lynn Hurry    (547 words)

Its always hard to believe when the first of December arrives that its just 25 days to Christmas. This year, with the global economic downturn, the early reminders have already been in place for some time as shops work hard to spark a Festive Spirit that will get us all spending, spending, spending!

December is not only about letting the good times roll. Not just about the promise of jingle bells and presents that Christmas brings.  For all of us - with few exceptions - its just like any other month. Income to earn. Bills to pay. Mouths to feed.

And, in amongst the festivities and jollifications there are relationships to make, relationships to build – or perhaps (sadly too often) even to endure. 

And that’s where Christmas may bring its challenges. But also its opportunities.

Challenges because we are not always ready for chats that sometimes spring up (often occurring when we have our feet are up - metaphorically speaking -  and when our defences are down), but also opportunities since these moments may be times that we can take advantage of to deepen and grow our relationships with others.

It seems to me that the art of good communication is all about learning to listen (so that you give the person you are in conversation with a chance to say it all) and the about listening to learn (trying to understand what the person is trying to say to you and prompting that person to clarify what you are not sure of.)

Learning to listen implies that you are giving the person you’re talking to your undivided attention (glazed eyes a dead give-away that you are drifting off); and listening to learn implies a genuine attempt to clearly understand what’s being said. (Nodding wisely a good way of showing this. Asking questions to clarify what’s been said a definite plus.)

Whew! Difficult I know. But I’ve always felt that it is well worth a try.

I know of a young couple, both professionals, whose busy lives take their time during the week. To keep the communication going they have breakfast together  EVERY Saturday at the local mall. Away from cell-phones and family they spend time sharing the experiences of the past week, commending each other on positive developments, commiserating over the negatives and only giving and taking advice when asked for it.

Their example is about keeping a regular time for chatting together and for communicating. It seems to work well for them. It should work just as well (in a format that suits each situation ) for all of us.

The “header” at the top of this article mentions my concern for  “sustainability education” and for me good communication is essential if we are together to  find the best ways of living lightly on our planet.

So dear Reader - Here’s wishing you a peaceful Christmas and a good “listening” New Year for you and those with whom you spend your time. My wish for you is what I wish even for myself – that I can continue to hone my listening skills - learning to listen and listening to learn so that I can make a better contribution to the world in which I live..

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Dr Lynn Hurry is a Pietermaritzburg based writer / publisher / adviser in Sustainability Education. He may be reached at lynn@ecology.co.za